Be the Edge

I once read in a parenting book that during the teenage years, a good mother’s role is to be the side wall of a swimming pool. To be the permanent edge that can always be returned to. That our job is to allow them to navigate the deep end all on their own, but to always be there for them to return again and again when needed. To give them solid assurance when they need to catch their breath, or come up for air, or support them while they rest. To remain steadfast when they push off again, away from us, into the unknown. 

Now as the mother of a teen and tween, I find it’s a difficult role to play. I find that I want to be a life-jacket, to keep them safe at all times. I want to stay attached to them, to hold them up, to keep them afloat so they never get pulled under. I want to be the barrier against anything that might hurt them or insult them or shame them or disappoint them.  

In reality, I want to take them out of the water completely. I want to go back to sitting on the edge of the baby pool, with them in my lap, just dipping their toes in the water and hearing them giggle. 

But that’s not how life works, does it? 

So I tell myself – be the edge. Don’t be their life jacket. They can do this. They are resilient and brave. You’ve raised them to face hard things. You’ve taught them to swim, so let them get out there, prove to themselves that they can do it. Whether they want to swim laps or paddle water, let them figure it out on their own. Don’t throw out that life preserver and save them each time they go under, let them swim back to you, let them put in the work to stay afloat and swim to safety.  

Let them face danger so they can be brave. Let them swim in choppy waters so they can be resilient. Let them be pulled under by others so they can learn who to trust and who not to. Let them choke on a bit of water so they can make better decisions in the future.  

Let them go so they can swim and be free. Let them go so they will choose to return. 

And so I remain here, as the cement wall that never moves. I will paint my edge bright colors so they see me from afar. I will have towels and bottled water ready at all times, eager to help when they come for it. I will hold them when they return to me, and will stay solid when they kick off and leave again.  

I will be their edge, over and over, for as long as they’ll let me be. 

12 | Twelve

Look at you – twelve years old now!  You’re in middle school, you have a boyfriend and a cell phone and you’re constantly asking to do stuff with friends.  My goodness, it’s hard to believe how grown up my Baby Goose is now.

And yet, with so many things that have changed over the past year – there are so many things that have stayed the same… 

You are as sparkly as ever.  Your giggles and excitement are contagious and you light up a room when you’re in it.  You are pure joy – through and through.

You are still my biggest cheerleader.  We faced some tough things this summer as a family and you stayed so brave and strong through it all.  You have such an inner strength and you know me better than anyone else.  I’m so grateful for the bond we share – it’s everything I always dreamed I’d have with my daughter.

I’ve loved seeing your relationship with Molly bloom over the past few months.  As you begin to share common interests – dressing up for Friday Football games, sharing clothes or discussing boys – I can finally see a glimpse of the best-friendship I always hoped you’d have with her. 

You are (and always will be) an incredible dancer!  And you just keep getting better and better.  I’ve loved seeing how all your hard work has paid off and now you’re getting that special front and center spot in dances.  I can’t wait for competition season to start and watch you shine up on that stage!

You continue to love romantic movies – some of your most favorites are Titanic and The Notebook.  There’s nothing better than cuddling with you in bed and watching one of my old favorites.  I’m so glad I’ve passed on my love of romantic movies to you!

Even though you now spend more time in your room, there’s nothing better than when you come downstairs and practice your turns in the living room and talk my ear off.  I would happily listen to you chatter about any subject any time of the day because getting to spend time with you is always the highlight of my day.

This year is a big year for you and you have so many exciting new things ahead!  I’m so thankful I have a front row seat to watch you soar through life!

I love you my little goose, my ray of sunshine, my sparkle, my joy…. all the way through the universe!

Fifteen

Molly Frances, you are so much more than what I’d dreamed you would be. 

Over fifteen years ago, when I was first told I was having a girl, I was elated.  I imagined what you’d be like and all we’d do together.  I envisioned ruffles and curls, dance recitals and make-overs.

Little did I know that you would be nothing like what I’d imagined.  Little did I know that you would be even better.  Much much better.

You are kind. So so kind.  You always see the good in people and you’re the biggest cheerleader of the ones that don’t get a lot of attention.  You have lived through so many heartaches – both with boys and friends, and yet your heart hasn’t hardened.  You still love deeply and fiercely.  You always forgive.  It’s your kindness that people are drawn to – your ability to make people feel good about themselves is your magical power. 

You are brave.  You stand up for yourself, when most girls your age tend to give up in order to “fit in”.  You’ve proven this over and over in your relationships with boys, you only accept being treated like you deserve, and when they don’t, you are confident enough to say something.  Your courage has led you to be uniquely you – to watch cartoons when you want to, to wear crazy costumes to school, to not trying to be anything other than yourself. 

You are funny.  Like really really funny.  You might very well be the funniest person I know. You have this eclectic sense of humor and I never really know what you’re going to say next.  Seriously.  The things that come out of your mouth are a constant source of entertainment here at home. Your exuberance is contagious.  You are loud and silly and loving.  You give the best hugs. You still call us “mama and daddy” and you graciously allow me to still tuck you into bed every night. 

You are beautiful. And you know it.  You aren’t afraid to tell me every so often; “Mama, I’m so pretty.” Your eyes are gorgeous, your hair is amazing and your smile truly lights up a room.  But you’re not just pretty on the outside… there’s a regal type of beauty that shines within you.  That beauty inside is what so many people are drawn to. 

Here you are, fifteen years old and you are truly one-of-a-kind.

So thank you for not being the girl that I dreamed of having.  Thank you for being you, and showing me that you could be so much more and so much better than I ever imagined.  You are my greatest treasure and I’m incredibly proud to be your mom.

Happy Birthday my darling girl.